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Dear FHA,
I am a single guy looking to meet for some companionship. There are thousands of women in this city but I can't seem to find one that is right for me. I know it's hard work, but what way can I go about finding someone that is right for me?
Sincerely,
Single and Poor
Dear SAP,
Finding a companion in life is one of the great adventures. Some may argue that the searching process is more important that everything that comes afterwards. I live in that camp and don't plan on taking my tent down anytime soon. Here are a few tricks I've managed to pick up during my time on the quest for the tender embrace of a woman.
1. Be Coy, Mysterious, and Shy
Nothing fuels a woman's interest like a seeming lack on your part. If you see a woman that you find attractive, make no effort to get her attention. Make sure to just sit and pretend you are comfortable in whatever situation you have subjected yourself to in hopes of meeting that woman. If it was ever meant to be she will approach you and begin a conversation that will last for hours on end without effort. Love is something that you will be given when the time is right. Like a fine wine, you just let it sit there in the dark aging until it is required by some rich socialite in need of a status play. Just keep your cool and make sure that the dark feelings of loneliness and defeat never surface in public. Attempting to start a conversation with a prospective lover will only end in financial expense, shame, and possibly a couple months of embrace that you could use as a learning experience down the road. Are we looking for love, or are we looking for education? Shut it and wait.
2. Stay in One Social Setting
Going to different activities and public places that serve as a mingling place for people you haven't talked to before is a terrible move. Faking your comfort in those situations will instantly point you out as the guy who is just there to get laid. The idea that any man would ever attempt to open his mind to new activities and cultures in hopes of finding a like-minded woman is absurd. Nobody does that, and if they say they do, they are lying or gay. Stick to the people you already have an established relationship with. Interacting with people that posses new and exciting views on life and the activities within it are frightening. If you are in a band, know you will only date another girl in a band.
3. Plan For the Worst
Too many times people jump into relationships with a fool hearty idea of what could happen. Be one of the smart ones that jumps in with a knowledge of what will happen. Odds are you will break-up eventually. Don't neglect that fact and throw yourself into a relationship completely. When you do that the break will come as a surprise and hurt ten-fold. I have never committed fully to anything, and because of this my last divorce was just an appointment in my life that I didn't know the exact date of. When you dive in without looking you become vulnerable to compromise, personal growth, and shared responsibility for making things work. Keep your distance from this and you can continue to have your life outside of that person, because honestly that will be what you have to get back to when she eventually leaves you.
4. Think About Everything
Every thing that happens has a meaning you haven't determined yet. Unlike the female species who has been given the teacher's addition to relationships, we have to sit and labor over what everything "really means". Sure, she said she wants to see you tonight, but was that because she really wants to see you, or because this is the one night in the past week where you made plans to hang out with your friends at a bar, and by telling you she wants to see you, is she really telling you that she doesn't like your friends, or how much you drink, or the fact you don't like to watch The Bachelor and she is trying to get you to appreciate it more, which may lead to her trying to corner you into marriage, which is something you just aren't ready for at 27 and honestly have no idea when you will be in a situation to make that large of a commitment, not because you don't love her but because you haven't really established yourself in any sort of field that would allow you to financially care for another person.... or if this is the one time that she throws it out there as a control just to gauge what your reaction will be when she actually makes that play!! Fuck! Run!
For the most part, stay away from relationships. If you require companionship, rent it. I've never owned a house and feel completely at home in this studio apartment. Sure it smells bad and costs way too much for what I get, and in long run I'll just end up with memories of things I wanted to have, but for right now I feel safe. I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
FHA
